Chicken for Men

I come from beef country!

In beef country you don't ever serve guests anything other than . . . beef.

In beef country you can get round steak cheaper than chicken breast.

Well at least that is what it was like when I was growing up! Heck, when PETA sent their people to the local grocery store dressed up in the carrot and cow outfits they had to be given a police escort out of the store for their own safety!

Anyway we like our meat around here to this day!

This chicken is bold though. Bold with coarse chopped garlic and fragrant rosemary. Plus, bonus prize, it's grilled! The menfolk may even insist on cooking it for you!

Let's get started . . .

You'll need one of these!

Don't you love a sale? There just isn't ever enough freezer space when there's a sale!

Do you know the portion rule for chicken? One pound of bone-in chicken will feed one adult. Crazy I know! Anyway this will feed Prince Charming, Queenbee, Gentle Giant, Guitar Boy, Darling Daughter, and Little Buddy! Of course, if I was throwing a party where people are expected to eat in a gluttonous manner I'd figure on just serving 3-4 adults with this, two married couples or two guys and a gal.

You know I can't help but brine the chicken! It just makes it so moist and tasty. I really desire moist and tasty. Plus I have this thing about chicken where I want it really, really, done and the whole brining thing gives me that leeway. This is just 1/2 a gallon of water and 1/2 cup of table salt.

Now a whole chicken has a few special bonus prizes they pack in the middle for you. You need to remove them.

Pieces parts! This is . . . well . . . it sort of looks like a gizzard? Have you ever had deep fried chicken gizzards? KFC used to make them! They were delicious.

But where is my liver? Where is my chicken heart? Where is the NECK? Hmm . . . they're missing . . . now in general if they're missing you've got to go digging a little bit more . . . liver likes to freeze to the side . . . but nope nothing else. No wonder it was $.79 per lb! They're keeping the tasty parts to themselves!

Put it with the back facing up in the brine for 3 1/2 - 5 hours. I like this pan's shape. It stores in the refrigerator well.

I have my best luck rinsing off the brine by dumping out my brining liquid and giving my chicken a bath in fresh water. Removes all the saltiness! Did you know that part of koshering meats involves packing them in salt? You really don't want to brine a kosher bird!

Now dry off the bird! Yes, it's sitting in the bottom of my sink. Really, you should keep your sink clean enough to eat out of! Really! The sink is the easiest thing to clean in the whole household! Believe me, I resent every moment spent cleaning and I measure these things.

Now for some beautiful rosemary! No this is not from my garden. But guess what! My rosemary is slowly coming back! Of course I washed my hands after the touching the chicken. Chicken has dangerous cooties!

and garlic!

Wash them both off and take the rosemary leaves off the stem. Just drag your fingers in the direction opposite of the way they're growing!

Oh the smell! It's minty and evergreenish! Imagine a beautiful fresh Christmas tree with an Italian Christmas dinner baking in the background. Ooooh! I like to pretend my ancestors came from the German states that border Italy. There were like three states that went back and forth between the two countries quite often. I know they were German and I know I love Italian food and it just explains everything I think!

I can fantasize an Italian background for myself if I want to . . .

Slice up the garlic.

Chop up your rosemary a little.

Mix 'em together and sprinkle on some kosher salt. It's going to help break things down with it's . . . it's flaky wonderfulness.

Are you wondering? Wondering about more salt? Seriously? Yes, more salt! You just washed all the surface salt off that chicken. We all enjoy a nice bit of salt on the outside of chicken.

Chop some more! Looks like I missed a piece of rosemary there . . . that makes it RUSTIC . . .

A generous helping of freshly ground pepper. I have to add it, for the children. They always asks what the specks in my food are and I say "oh it's pepper darling!" You don't expect me to tell 'em it's the burnt parts do you? They don't understand the flavor benefits of "charring."

Now put it in a nice little bowl. I'm going to be touching it with chickeny hands in a minute and I don't want raw chicken on my cutting board. Pour a little olive oil over it too!

I like to smush it a little. Lets the flavors meld. Is smush the past tense of smash?

Now some of the more squeamish of you may wish to turn your heads. Yes this did involve me disinfecting my camera several times! You want to put that fresh herb oil in between the chicken and it's skin. Stick your hand in there and get it separated. It's not attached tightly . . .

Get yourself a nice dollop of it . . .

and spread 'er around . . . first across the breast meat . . .

Now see if you can get to the thighs. You can, I know you can! Just say "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can . . ." you're the little engine that could!

Flip it over and do it's heiny parts a little . . . pardon me, the back. After stuffing as much of the herb mixture all over make sure to rub any excess oil and herbs on the outside of the chicken skin. Especially the wings, now if you were able to stuff herbs under the skin of the wings I want to talk to you . . .

Okay, this wasn't my best job ever. I tore the skin a little and now I have a very unladylike hen . . .

So lets shove some other things inside of her! I have some extra stems of rosemary leftover from the packet I bought. A cut up onion or even a cut up lemon is delicious in there too!

There we go! Neat and clean inside the . . . cavity . . .

Now I am a little worried about that tear in the skin over the breast meat. Breast meat dries out easy! I'm not trusting my brining to get me through it. I'm going to tie the legs together to protect it a little.

Yes, I'm using thread. I do own nice 100% cotton kitchen twine but it keeps on disappearing . . . I find it months later in the garage covered with greasy fingerprints. If I kept my man fully stocked with twine in the garage he wouldn't have to go lookin' in other places now would he?

Hmm, there may be a country song in there somewhere . . .

Now I was never a boy scout and I think I gave up quickly on girl scouts so I just cut a long piece off and start to twist it around one leg . . .

Then I bring 'em together and wind it around each and tie! I'm practically ready to rope a calf or cow or something! Except . . . you have to get on a horse and they're so tall and I really despise heights . . .

Now we're going to grill this using "indirect" heat. By that I mean the heat will be on one side of the grill and the chicken on the other. You can do this on a two burner gas grill. Now if you've got one of those one burner gas grills like I had as a newlywed see the instructions at the end of the recipe. You can do it too!

I figure why not throw some potatoes on at the same time! Oh please note this is my old 22 1/2 inch grill. Not the brand new shiny one I assembled a few weeks ago. I'm having difficulty using it . . . it's so shiny . . . and grilling is so . . . so dirty . . .

Cover her up and leave her alone for 30 minutes. You know that's really difficult for me! I go up to those holes in the top and listen for bubbling, sizzling noises!

After 30 minutes . . . WHAT THE HECK! That heat's a little too indirect! Both sides of the chicken look the same! So I threw a few more coals on the fire and gave it a little more air.

Twenty minutes later we're in business!

So flip it around. Cool side towards the coals . . . flip those taters too! See how the thin parts of the chicken are turning pink? They're getting smoked like a ham!

Oh it's so pretty! I will admit I overcooked the potatoes! Please wait till the 30 minute mark to put them on next time! This was my first chicken of the year and I forgot that generally it takes me 90 minutes to cook the darn thing!

Look you can see the herbs under the skin!

Look! This is the breast meat! Can you see the juices squeezing out when I press it! It's wonderful!

It was so moist and juicy! The flavor! Oh the rosemary, the garlic! The perfectly salted chicken! Ooooh! I'm in heaven!

Did you know my husband seems to be deeply perplexed when I start to photograph my food when I"m sitting down to dinner? Heck, I wait till after prayers don't I? He always says things like "But, it's a paper plate . . ."

I blame this on his upbringing!

They had table clothes and place mats and candles and all sorts of things regularly!

It's okay, she also taught him to clean, and launder, and sew, and be kind, and loving, and pump my gas, and to always listen carefully to his wife and most importantly to love Jesus. Oh be still my heart!

Do you think I can send my sons to her? I can never do as good a job!

Excuse me while I compose myself!

It's a great big juicy bite!

Make this as soon as humanly possible!

Rosemary Garlic Chicken

1 whole chicken, 3-6 lbs

For the brine:
2 qt. tap water
1/2 cup table salt

For the herb mix:
3 sprigs rosemary
5-6 cloves of garlic, peeled
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp ground pepper
1 Tbsp. olive oil

Mix water and salt for brine. Place chicken, breast side down, in brine. Soak for 3 1/2 to 5 hours in the refrigerator.

Rinse chicken and set aside. Chop rosemary, garlic, salt and pepper together on cutting board. Put in small bowl and dress with olive oil.

Rub herb and oil mixture underneath skin of chicken. Rub any remaining oil on chicken skin.

Grill, using indirect heat*, for 60-90 minutes. Checking every 20 minutes  (check every 30 minutes for chickens over 5 lbs.) When chicken seems to be getting browner on one side turn it around.

Chicken is done when either a meat thermometer says the breast meat is 170 and the thigh meat is 185 or when you can grab the leg and it moves freely in it's joint. (That's my FAVORITE!)

*what if I only have a 1 burner gas grill? Well then do what I did in the old days. You've got to cut that chicken down it's back. Yes, you can use a sturdy pair of scissors! This is called butterflying it. Spread it out on a cookie sheet you don't particularly care for and put it over the preheated grill on the lowest heat setting you've got. You won't need to flip it around since the heat is right underneath it! There will be lots of smoke but, your chicken will be delicious and it will be done in under 1 hour!